This was a very enlightening book for me- I've spent the last 20 years on a difficult healing road of my own. My childhood memories are still pretty well buried, but have been trying to emerge for the past 10 years, but only enough for some emotional healing. They included a strange memory of feeling like I had met first Ronald and then also Nancy Reagan in a hotel room, as a pre-teen (maybe around 1972 or so). Whether an actual memory or a false memory, or just a bizarre gift to steer my healing in a certain direction, that prompted me to recently watch a movie on Ronald and Nancy Reagan, which then led me to read this book. I am captivated by how much Nancy Reagan was like my own mother- perfectionistic, all about public appearances, always trying to maintain order, always acting "persecuted" by her own daughter (with the daughter never quite knowing "why"), labelling the daughter as evil, and unable to honestly see or acknowledge how emotionally and physically abusive she was behind closed doors. How many US households does this similarly play out in?
Ronald was very religious and idealistic... and he was so all-consumed with the war against communism, that he maintained minimal involvement, and denial, about the actual war going on in his home. Maybe the US's war against communism seemed an easier battle for him to focus on, than to battle the deceptions in his home? Ronald blamed Patti for the dysfunction between her and her mom, even as a little girl. He was similar to my dad, who wounded me with the words that I "didn't know how to love", and then died when I was 9 years old, leaving me without a way to ever earn his approval. In our case, the enemy in the home was dissociation.
Similar to Patti at first, I never wanted kids, and for the past 10 years or so, I've known I would have been abusive. In fact, even as a child, I was abusive to my sister who was 5 years younger, repeating the same patterns of abuses my mom had used with me.
I could relate to some of Patti's emotions and healing processes, and I appreciated her willingness to speak honestly even in the face of family rejection, and her long and difficult efforts to extract herself from the insanity of the denial, and to recover her own self worth. And then hers became a path of forgiving, and ultimately hoping for good things for her parents, despite their differences. My folks are passed away, but I have been hoping to get to that place of complete forgiveness, understanding and inner peace that it appears Patti has accomplished, and recover my own self-worth. This book encourages me greatly and I feel like I can now rest on this plateau for a bit. Patti was able to heal from her anger and bitterness, and maybe I can too!
Ronald was very religious and idealistic... and he was so all-consumed with the war against communism, that he maintained minimal involvement, and denial, about the actual war going on in his home. Maybe the US's war against communism seemed an easier battle for him to focus on, than to battle the deceptions in his home? Ronald blamed Patti for the dysfunction between her and her mom, even as a little girl. He was similar to my dad, who wounded me with the words that I "didn't know how to love", and then died when I was 9 years old, leaving me without a way to ever earn his approval. In our case, the enemy in the home was dissociation.
Similar to Patti at first, I never wanted kids, and for the past 10 years or so, I've known I would have been abusive. In fact, even as a child, I was abusive to my sister who was 5 years younger, repeating the same patterns of abuses my mom had used with me.
I could relate to some of Patti's emotions and healing processes, and I appreciated her willingness to speak honestly even in the face of family rejection, and her long and difficult efforts to extract herself from the insanity of the denial, and to recover her own self worth. And then hers became a path of forgiving, and ultimately hoping for good things for her parents, despite their differences. My folks are passed away, but I have been hoping to get to that place of complete forgiveness, understanding and inner peace that it appears Patti has accomplished, and recover my own self-worth. This book encourages me greatly and I feel like I can now rest on this plateau for a bit. Patti was able to heal from her anger and bitterness, and maybe I can too!
Used availability for Patti Davis's Family Secrets