Shelly Sanders

When I was eighteen, I discovered that my grandmother had been Jewish, but had given up her faith after escaping a Russian pogrom. I wanted to ask Nana about her experiences, but she'd died five years earlier.

I was sad that this information was withheld from me; I'd always envied religious people, and felt as if I'd missed out on something. When I became a mother, years later, the need to learn more about my grandmother flourished.

From Nana's sister, I found out that their family left Russia when fires were set in their village. They fled to Shanghai. After high school, Nana worked for a couple of years, and learned English. Then, she went alone by ship to California, worked as a nanny and completed a science degree in 1930 from the University of California, at Berkley.

My grandmother gave up her Judaism when she met my grandfather. They settled in Montreal where Jews were not welcome.

I wondered if Nana ever regretted her decision, was impressed by the forward-thinking woman she'd been, and had to know more about what life would have been like in pre-revolutionary Russia.

Rachel's Secret came out of this compulsion to understand my grandmother, to get inside her head. I named and created the main character after Nana, a smart, willful woman determined to escape the limitations thrust on Jewish women.

Because I wasn't raised Jewish. I wanted to see both sides: how did pogroms look to a non-Jew? As a journalist, I'm fanatic about accuracy, and carefully researched the period and culture.

Now, I wish I could tell Nana that her difficult journey to Canada inspired me to write my first book, that her struggle with religion has given me a healthy dose of skepticism, and that her determination to get a degree in a foreign country and language has instilled in me a perseverance which keeps me going, even on my darkest days.